Arguments can be challenging, especially when dealing with someone who has narcissistic tendencies. Narcissists have a unique way of manipulating others during disagreements, often leaving their victims feeling confused, invalidated, and emotionally drained.
In this article, we will explore six red flag phrases that narcissists commonly use to manipulate others during arguments. We will also provide examples and quotes from health professionals in South Africa to shed light on this manipulative behaviour.
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1. “You’re overreacting.”
One common tactic narcissists use to manipulate their victims is to dismiss their emotions and reactions by claiming they are overreacting. By doing so, they invalidate the other person’s feelings and make them question their own perception of the situation.
According to Dr. Sarah Johnson, a renowned psychologist in South Africa, this manipulation tactic can be detrimental to the victim’s self-esteem. She explains, “Narcissists often belittle their partner’s emotions to maintain control and power in the relationship. By gaslighting them and making them doubt their own feelings, the narcissist gains the upper hand.”
For example, during an argument about a missed deadline, the narcissist might say, “You’re overreacting. It’s not a big deal. Stop being so dramatic.”
2. “You always…” or “You never…”
Narcissists often use sweeping generalizations to attack their victims during arguments. Phrases like “You always…” or “You never…” are meant to exaggerate the other person’s faults and make them feel inadequate or flawed.
Dr Mark Davies, a leading psychiatrist in South Africa, warns about the impact of such statements on the victim’s self-esteem.
He says, “Narcissists use these extreme statements to undermine their partner’s confidence. By making them believe they are constantly failing, the narcissist maintains control over the relationship.”
For instance, during a disagreement about household chores, the narcissist might say, “You never help around the house. I always have to do everything myself.”
3. “You’re just being sensitive.”
Narcissists often dismiss their victim’s emotions by labelling them as overly sensitive. By doing so, they undermine the validity of the other person’s feelings and make them doubt their own emotional responses.
Dr Linda Smith, a respected therapist in South Africa, explains, “Narcissists use this tactic to deflect responsibility and avoid addressing their own behaviour. By labelling their partner as ‘too sensitive,’ they shift the blame onto the victim and avoid taking accountability for their actions.”
For example, during a heated discussion about a hurtful comment, the narcissist might say, “You’re just being sensitive. I can’t say anything without you getting upset.”
4. “You’re crazy” or “You’re insane”
Narcissists often resort to name-calling and personal attacks during arguments. By labelling their victims as crazy or insane, they aim to discredit their opinions and make them question their sanity.
Dr. James Thompson, a renowned psychologist in South Africa, emphasizes the damaging effects of such derogatory language. He states, “Narcissists use these insults to undermine their partner’s self-worth and make them doubt their own mental stability. It’s a manipulative tactic aimed at maintaining control over the relationship.”
For instance, during a disagreement about financial decisions, the narcissist might say, “You’re crazy if you think we can afford that. You have no idea how to manage money.”
5. “You’re just trying to start an argument.”
Narcissists often accuse their victims of intentionally provoking arguments to deflect attention from their own problematic behaviour. By shifting the blame onto the other person, they avoid taking responsibility for their actions and maintain a sense of superiority.
Dr. Samantha Williams, a respected therapist in South Africa, explains, “Narcissists use this tactic to avoid accountability. By accusing their partner of starting arguments, they divert attention from their own manipulative behaviour and make the victim question their intentions.”
For example, during a discussion about a broken promise, the narcissist might say, “You’re just trying to start an argument. Can’t you ever let things go?”
6. “You’re the problem, not me.”
Narcissists often refuse to take responsibility for their actions and instead shift the blame onto their victims. By making the other person feel like they are the problem, the narcissist avoids addressing their own shortcomings and manipulative behaviour.
Dr. Michael Johnson, a leading psychologist in South Africa, highlights the damaging effects of this manipulation tactic. He says, “Narcissists use this phrase to maintain control and power in the relationship. By making their partner believe they are the problem, they avoid any self-reflection and accountability.”
For instance, during an argument about trust issues, the narcissist might say, “You’re the problem, not me. If you were more trusting, we wouldn’t have these issues.”
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Conclusion
Recognizing the red flag phrases narcissists use to manipulate others during arguments is crucial for protecting oneself from emotional harm. By understanding these manipulation tactics, individuals can develop strategies to maintain their self-esteem and set healthy boundaries.
Remember, if you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, seeking support from a qualified therapist or counsellor can be beneficial in navigating the challenges and healing from the emotional impact of narcissistic manipulation.
