Marriage is full of ups and downs and a slew of mundane moments in between the entire journey.
Twitter spouses continue to find humour in the minutiae of married life and sum it up perfectly in less than 280 characters.
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We have compiled the most amusing marriage tweets that we found on the bird platform. In our opinion, these are the funniest tweets…we hope they got you laughing.
1.
Me ten years ago: one day I'll find another fun-loving night owl and we'll be the most exciting couple in town.
Me to my husband just now: ok fine. We can go to bed at 7:30, I guess.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) January 23, 2023
2.
Wives be like “This will change everything” and it’s just installing a shelf in the garage.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 26, 2023
3.
If I’m drinking tea and I haven’t made my wife one, she shouts “SHARING TEA!” and grabs it and drinks it. Logging here for future divorce court.
— Brona C Titley (@bronactitley) January 27, 2023
4.
Told my wife I'll give up football next weekend in order to watch the two games today.
— jeFF (@TheFantasyEng) January 29, 2023
5.
I choked on some water in the middle of the night and instead of asking if I was ok my husband just stared at me then went back to sleep in case you wondered what a long term relationship looks like
— An Apple Hat (@AnAppleHat) January 28, 2023
6.
My wife is upset at me so I asked my 7YO to cheer her up by playing Yankee Doodle on the kazoo
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 19, 2023
7.
They say money can’t buy happiness but it can buy you a drain snake that lets you unclog your wife’s drain hair.
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) January 27, 2023
8.
When my husband is mad at me,
I point at my wedding ring and whisper “forever”— Midge (@mxmclain) January 26, 2023
9.
My husband broke his hand so I opened the pickle jar for him. He said “thanks”. I said “it’s no big dill”. Then I put the mostly empty dip back in the fridge and stood in front of the drawer he needed.
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) January 29, 2023
10.
tonight we played the game quirkle and my husband jokingly called me a quirkle jerk after i made an awesome move and now my six year old thinks its a hilarious name to call someone in case you’re looking for parenting role models
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 18, 2023
11.
DATING: Good morning.
MARRIED: You snored last night.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 17, 2023
12.
my husband *going to the kitchen*: want me to get you ice cream?
me: i already had some
husband: so what do you want me to get you?
me: ……ice cream
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) January 17, 2023
13.
Marriage is boring each other about work things and neither one of you listening.
— Laura is never ready (@ericamorecambe) January 27, 2023
14.
marriage can be difficult but rewarding! like this morning i told my husband “i love you” and he looked me deep into my eyes and said “do you know where my keys are?”
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) January 18, 2023
15.
I’m reasonably certain my wife married me just to dis my opinions.
— Crac⚡ked (@a_simpl_man) January 25, 2023
