When a relationship begin to suck more than you can bear it’s advisable to breakup and let it go. After breakup, you struggle to survive the shock. We’ve understand that everyone around you, be it schoolmate, those you worship with, friends and family, even a wack boss whose relationship failed severally would have some piece of advice to give.
Granted, their intentions may be genuine, but their advice sometimes maybe misguided and would not work in your best interest. Therefore, we’ve figure out few tips that can help you carry on after a breakup.
1. You can be the one who’s hurting
From your own end you can’t possibly tell how bad or good your ex if feeling. Forget about the pictures he or she uploads on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. You must stop struggling to figure out what his thought are and how he may not be going through the level of pains you are going through.
Spencer Northey. a marriage therapist said: “You don’t ‘win’ the breakup by being the one who experienced less caring, less attachment and less vulnerability,” she said. “It’s OK to lean into the loss of someone who was important to you. Recognizing the value of what you lost in the breakup will help clarify what you want when you are ready to date and be in a relationship again.”
2. Don’t be fooled into thinking eating and drinking, shopping excessively can help you.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with eating, drinking and hanging out with friends at the eateries or even attending a friends party no matter the distance. After everyone at one point or the other crave a relaxed time with people we love. But when doing all that is aimed at helping us forget a broken relationship, so that we do them excessively, then you must paused and check the tide. Doing all of that to avoid dealing with unwanted emotions ― isn’t going to solve your problems; it’s just putting off getting a handle on them.
“As a culture, we are taught to ignore or mask unpleasant emotions by indulging in activities that help us temporarily escape,” said Laura Heck, a couples therapist and co-host of the podcast “Marriage Therapy Radio.” “Your feelings are intended to be felt, so feel them. Lean into the sadness.”
3. Revisit an old game or something new you’ve always wish you could do.
After breakup, there’s always plenty of time at our disposal. Why don’t you try out something very new from the things you’re used to? Maybe visit a game or something you have passion for but weren’t able to do them simple because you were too busy.
There are lots of things expert can teach you, here is this: “Connect to something that’s important to you — a hobby you haven’t enjoyed in a while, getting back to your fitness routine or listen to that audiobook you’ve been wanting to read,” therapist Juan Olmedo said. “When a relationship ends, it’s helpful and healing to reconnect with your most important connection — your relationship to yourself.”
4. Lean on your support system
Getting through a breakup may be a personal journey, but that doesn’t mean you have to go at it alone. Open up to friends, family members and a therapist (if you have one) about what you’re going through.
Having to deal with post breakup effect is a personal thing, but that doesn’t mean you must stick to it all alone. It’s not a bad idea to talk with friends with mature minds, speak to a therapist that’s knowledgeable. Note: That a pastor mentors you spiritually doesn’t make him a relationship expert, so that he must be the only advice you trust that can help you.
“Believe that your friends and family want to be there for you,” Olmedo said. “It can help to get your thoughts out of your head so you’re not stuck in a loop, and you can get feedback from someone you trust that what you’re feeling is valid. If you’re feeling stuck, give working with a counselor or therapist a try for an objective ear. Do what you need to remind yourself you’re a good person who deserves a good relationship.”
5. Quit following your ex on Instagram and Twitter, even Facebook
Post breakup effect hurts but hurts even more when you still stick around your ex’s social media accounts, so that you see every update message he drops and how he drops them. Block them out-rightly. If you do not want to block the person consider other options such as muting him on Instagram or unfollowing her posts on Facebook. Out of sight, out of mind.
“Smartphones and social media make it easier than ever to track your ex and reach out in moments of weakness,” psychotherapist Elisabeth J. LaMotte said. “Impulsive communication does not reflect your best version of yourself and increases the likelihood of spontaneous hookups with your ex that can compromise whatever positive memories and feelings remain between the two of you.”
6. Stop thinking about the beautiful times you had together
The more you concentrate on the beautiful times you had together the more you breed reasons why you should cry and wish it never happened. It is far better to recall everything he was doing wrong that you’d always wish he changes. You can’t possibly say he doesn’t have flaws. No man is perfect remember?
“As painful as a breakup feels, it can be liberating to admit the reasons you are better off without your ex,” LaMotte said. “Even if you thought they were the One, there were surely some obstacles and flaws in your relationship, and it frees up emotional energy to admit these shortcomings.”
When you accepted a breakup, you have accepted to free your partner and move on, so, please do move on.